Monday, February 27, 2012

my story...but not YET.

tonight - i asked this question.
when do our stories become our OWN?

when can you tell a story. your story.
in full....WITHOUT affecting {effecting?} whichever....another person?

there is YOU. and there are "characters"
in EVERYONES novel.
THEY are what makes the story interesting.
the dynamics more intense
our stories evolve around the individuals involved in our lives.
those just passing through.
those that remain by your side for a lifetime.
and everyone in between.

our "people" MAKE our story.
nestle deep into our hearts.
become part of our souls.
hold the pen and paper.

so my question is this....
WHEN can you REALLY share this brilliant novel - and all the chapters within it
without involving our soul dwellers? :)
{for lack of a better word}


we all  have a million stories....
{make that a million and ONE..}
and they involve others,

EVERY. SINGLE. TIME....i wanna share - i stop.
i ponder.
and most often, i decide to stay silent. safe. "appropriate". & accepted. protective.

'cause "THE STORY"
MY LIFE -  it is not really ALL MINE.
it involves OTHERS - and their experience, their weakness, their strength, their conviction, beliefs, stories.

our lives...
brilliant, un-edited, real.

one experience after the other. 
that make or break us.
and either way - we move on.
stronger, wiser...and raw.
just WAITING for the next moment - next CHAPTER -  that is willing and able to change us even more into the people that we are meant to be.
every. single time - we share our chapters  - we pull SOMEBODY out on the carpet.
if i have a "chapter" with my marriage.
CHRIS is a sitting duck.
so i hesitate.
if i have a "chapter"  with an employee.
if i have a "chapter"  with a child....
yet another decoy - sits still in the water....
friends - NEVER would i tarnish THAT sanctity, either.


we ponder.
and STOP.


no story telling, today.
saving that chapter for a later date....

'cause it is...
NOT just our STORY we are sharing...
always - it involves others.

ya know?

so often times we just don't tell.
we don't talk.
we look down. 
our stories stay locked up inside of us.
yet so VERY silent.

when do we get to OWN our stories? 
maybe now...maybe never.
so potentially -  in the end - our stories OWN US.
still lying dormant in our hearts.
filled with passion.

we need to tell it somehow.
in some way.
abstract, cryptic - writing?
a close friend with mutual experiences?

reality is...

YOU have a right to YOUR part in YOUR STORY.
that IS yours - so carefully tell it the best you can....the way you know best.
with grace.
with heart.
with compassion.
with soul. 
....and most importantly - with a hint of protection -  for those you LOVE.

after all - the "love" chapters
of any sort - 
THOSE are the best.
hands down.
on every level. 

one day.
my line of laundry will hang.
my part will be told.

with colors that set by the "darks" that soaked up all the warmth.
it is a must.

one of my beautiful friends repeatedly reminded me this evening how DULL the JOY would be without the heartache.

how BORING our stories are without our precious "characters"?
friends, family, people....angels of sorts....
to challenge us.
to offer us insight.
to tear our hearts apart....or better yet - MEND THEM back together.

so....we should celebrate -  each and every CHARACTER in our lives.
each and every chapter.

those that have sparkled and helped US sparkle -  and ALSO those that are a little on the dingy side....
 clearly a thank you is in order to each and every person

no matter what happened.

brace yourselves...
for one day.
chapters will reveal themselves, one by one.
stories will be told.

'cause in the end - it IS OURS.
every part of it.
fall in love with it.
a novel unwinding.
my life, my story....
what is yours?

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

YOUR moments.

a "moment."
we have all had them.
you know the ones....
they change you - EVERYTHING about you.
 forever and ever.
without warning.

i can think of several "moments" - that altered my very being.
i am grateful for them.
i resent them.
i love them.
i hate them.
i cry. i laugh. i learn.

once upon a time - i read...
somewhere, one of my "loo, loo" books...
that our very souls rest in heaven....
just wanting, yearning, needing....more than anything to experience the "moment"....
this life.
and the DEPTH of the emotion that goes with it

i LOVE to believe this....
'cause i love the idea that...perhaps...
at some point over and over again.
our souls...
sit in perfection. paradise. just so much WANTING....
to be HERE.
for the laughter.
for the pain.
for the joy.
the LOVE.
for the sadness.
for the "moment"

IF it is true....
i guess. - i GET it, with all my heart.
my soul would want this.
what i have.  what YOU have.
over and over again....
oddly enough.
wouldn't YOURS?

i LOVE my "...moments".
all of them.
good, horrible and otherwise.
{and i assure you - we have all had our even share}

so next time.
that shocking, life altering...tragic...exhilarating...heart breaking...crazy...never before
comes around.

'cause it is YOURS.

embrace it.
with ALL that you are, all that you have been, and all that you WILL be.
'cause THOSE moments define you.
they alter you.
they put you in the moment of "becoming"

and once again i will say....
THAT is a beautiful thing.
so. VERY. beautiful.
no matter what.